1 Mar 2023Thomas Dahlborg

Tom Dahlborg Recognized as Mental Health Champion

Authority Magazine recognizing me (and my work) as a Mental Health Champion is wonderful, so incredibly humbling and so very much appreciated.

I am also so grateful that Authority Magazine made special note of our innovative and transformative TBKID Youth Sports Program and TBKID Youth Basketball Camp; and that I had the opportunity to highlight the impactful work of such inspirational people as Quint Studer, Emily Esposito, Kim Crabill, Mark Ridgeway, the entire Dahlborg family, and other inspiration people and impactful resources noted within the piece.

Thank you so very much Yitzi Weiner and Michelle Tennant Nicholson for calling attention to children’s mental health (so important and so often overlooked) and allowing me the opportunity to highlight so many others and their great work, and for this interview and wonderful piece.

READ THE PIECE HERE (or below)

Together with love in our hearts and in loving right-action, we will stop bullying, we will amplify positive childhood experiences, we will prevent child suicide, and we will improve mental wellness for all children.

Together.

Mental Health Champions: Why & How Author Thomas Dahlborg Is Helping To Champion Mental Wellness

An Interview With Michelle Tennant Nicholson

As a part of our series about Mental Health Champions helping to promote mental wellness, I had the pleasure to interview Thomas (Tom) Dahlborg.

Tom is an nationally recognized thought leader and speaker on stopping bullying, amplifying positive childhood experiences, and improving mental health for children and adults.

He is the author of the multiple award-winning book “The Big Kid and Basketball … and the lessons he taught his Father and Coach” tackling the epidemic of bullying and its impact on mental health; and his forthcoming book series “The Light …” is designed to help children find their own voice, their own agency, their own power from within, rather than seeking from without, and provide parents, teachers and coaches with tools and resources to help, and to connect deeply at multiple levels while shining a light on the importance of relationship, trust, and love.

And Tom is the founder of TBKID Youth Sports Programs where together with his team they ensure inclusion and belonging; promote positive, life-changing social & emotional skills, and support the mental and emotional health of children and families, of schools and sports programs, and of communities.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit. Can you tell us a bit about how you grew up?

I love this question, as I truly believe our childhood experiences (be they adverse childhood experiences or positive childhood experiences) inform and shape our futures to a very large extent.

And to answer this specific question, I would love to share a story from my 2021 AUPHA Bugbee-Falk Award book, From Heart to Heart and Back Again … a journey through the healthcare system, where I share an anecdote about my childhood for this very reason:

The shade from the oaks and pines were clouding first and second base. My shadow extended well past the pitcher. My shadow even taller and thinner than me.

“Invisible men on second and third.”

“No there isn’t! There is no invisible man at third,” came back the response from my best friend Mitchell.

Mitchell was a year younger than me. A good-looking kid with brown hair and an easy smile. Always something up his sleeve. Always seeking an advantage. An edge. An extra cookie or a swim in a neighbor’s pool. Yes. My best friend.

“Yes, there is!”

And for the next few moments I explained in fine detail to Mitchell and his older brother Barry why there was and how they got there.

Barry was my older brother Jon’s age, 13. While Jon typically won’t play sports with me, Barry on occasion makes an appearance. He is far more passionate about Scouts than sports, but on this sunny August day with the chance to team up with his little brother and beat me he was on the field of play.

“Whatever.”

Yes! Mitchell knew I was right. I always knew the score, the inning, what was happening on the field, what just happened, and what must be done to be successful … to win.

You must growing up in Brockton, Massachusetts, home of two of the greatest boxers in history.

Or I should say “I must” growing up in this city. No sacrifice is too much. Pain is a badge of honor. Be “Brockton-tough” I learned.

Rocky Marciano is the only heavyweight champion with a perfect record (49 wins in 49 professional bouts). Of these wins, 43 were knockouts. No other fighter fought like he did. Smaller than many of his opponents. He was known for his toughness. His tenacity. He took on all comers. He gave no quarter. And he always won.

And by the time of this kickball game in mid-August of 1976, Marvelous Marvin Hagler had already rung up a record of 28 wins (22 by knockout or TKO), 2 losses, and 1 draw and by the end of the year would become the Middleweight Champion of the World.

Brockton itself also had a reputation … as a blue-collar city. During the Civil War and up until the latter parts of the 20th Century, Brockton was known as America’s largest producer of shoes and, in fact, by the turn of the century there were over 91 shoe factories in the city. People worked hard and were known to be physically and mentally strong.

Yes, a lot to live up too. Work hard. Be tough. Give no quarter. And WIN.

So here we were. We had agreement (kind of) that there were two outs in the bottom of the last inning. I was losing 11 to 9. There were two invisible men on base, one of these on second and the other on third … and Mitchell was on the mound ready to pitch.

The sun was shining over my shoulder as sweat dripped down my now pink neck and under my white t-shirt.

My breath was shallow and quick as the thought of potentially losing this game weighed heavily on my mind.

I note the sun in Mitchell’s eyes as he struggles to see me at home plate. I see Barry standing in right field under the shade of a tree squinting to see the action before him.

And I note a gap in deep left field.

Mitchell readies and rolls the ball toward home plate.

I got this.

I feel my foot make less than solid contact on the ball and yet as I look up, I see the ball traveling in a line toward the gap.

Yes!

I sprint toward first base and as I am running, I hear Mitchell call out, “Barry, get the ball. I’ll take the cut!”

As I round first base and head toward second, I am surprised that Barry has not yet emerged with the ball.

Apparently, Mitchell was too, “Barry! Hurry!!”

I reach second and still no Barry.

Breathing heavily, I continue my sprint and am now headed for third as Mitchell heads toward the flat rock we call home plate.

As I reach third, I see that Barry is still deep in left so I decide to round the base and go for the win.

As I turn toward home all I see is Mitchell’s body illuminated from behind by the sun which is now directly behind his head and shining into my eyes.

Through the haze of the late August sun, I see Mitchell catch Barry’s throw at chest level as I charge toward this Fisk-ian pitcher turned catcher.

I also see through the haze and shadow the ferocity in which Mitchell is about to launch this sphere at my head. (Kickball in Brockton is clearly not for the faint of heart.) And his snarl as his eyes crocodile, and he whips his right arm forward and unloads.

But just as Hagler would slip past a Sugar Ray left jab, I make my move and …

The joy of winning was short.

Ugh. I am in trouble again.

We live in a ranch house on the south side of Brockton. The west side is the rich side.

My father is a schoolteacher. He teaches science at West Junior High School. There he teaches 7th and 8th graders and develops a reputation as a hard ass. His “sludge test” final has already created many a nervous breakdown for kids. But overall, he is well liked and respected.

My mother is an x-ray technician by training and works as a Title I teacher’s aide. She is an amazing budgeter and keeps the family afloat with her financial prowess.

My brother is a far better athlete than I, but sports are truly not his passion. Be it baseball, tennis, basketball, hockey, he can do them all well and seemingly without much effort. “Naturally gifted Jon is,” my father would say. And yet, Jon prefers Sci-Fi movies to baseball by a long shot.

Me? Sports are my life. School? Books? Movies? Nope. All I want to do is use my body, feel exertion, and feel the ache of victory (even in a loss) that comes when you have done everything possible in order to win. That is all I want. All I ever want. Each night I think about Dwight Evans’ amazing catch in right field against the Reds in the 1975 World Series, the Bruins’ Brad Park dishing out hard hip-checks against all daring to enter his space, Dave Cowens’ ferocity under the boards as he leads the Celtics to their most recent championship, and most of all, my hero, Roger Staubach leading comebacks with determination and guts for my Dallas Cowboys. And each day I wake with this unnamed desire always just below the surface of my reality waiting for the moment when we say … GAME ON!

Yes. Sports. And yes, I will be in big trouble when I get home.

As I stand, I feel an ache in my right knee.

Yes, the ache of victory.

But then an old reality kicks in. I know this ache.

Since I was very little, I have had pain in both my knees. Pain that feels like someone or something has bored a hole from the inside of my right knee clear through to the other side. Pain that feels like someone has slammed the side of my left knee over and over again with a sledgehammer. An intense ache that finds no relief and little sympathy. A pain I have both suffered through and used as a motivator to push my body further than it was designed to be pushed.

But even prior to these pains, when I was very young, the doctor prescribed that I wear leg braces, which as I recall consisted of leather shoes attached to a metal contraption with a steel bar connecting my left foot to my right.

Each night my parents would say to me, “Tommy, it is time to put on your ‘cowboy boots,’” and I would crawl over to have this apparatus bound to me and then crawl back to my toys or books dragging my legs and this steel prison behind me.

And each morning I would wake early and climb over my bed rails with my leg shackles in tow. All the while thinking, Please mom, please, take my cowboy boots off.

Yes, each night I would have my cowboy boots put on and each morning they would be removed. Day after day and night after night. Until the day when I was released from this torture, able to move my legs freely, and finally slumbered through an entire evening.

Now, years later when my legs are hurting, I think back to my “cowboy boots” and to the many doctors who told my mom, “There is nothing wrong with your son’s knees. You simply have an active child who needs to be more careful.”

And here in August of 1976 in the aftermath of the kickball game to end all kickball games …

I can’t go home and tell my parents I hurt my knee. I just can’t. We cannot afford it, and more importantly, … they will tell me to stop playing.

You are currently leading an initiative that is helping to promote mental wellness. Can you tell us a bit more specifically about what you are trying to address?

I am so blessed to be leading a number of mental health initiatives. From the innovative Collaborative Care throughout the state of Michigan, to its expansion into the substance use disorder (SUD) arena, to leveraging these experiences to further support patients and families (and care teams) seeking to improve care and outcomes for patients and families who are facing mental health challenges and SUD, in additional creative ways and with incredible partners. To advocating, actively participating in, and promoting improved mental health care and suicide prevention for our veterans. And for each defining barriers to success and mitigating these barriers, and drivers of optimal impact and maximizing these drivers.

But for this interview, I would like to focus on another passion and ministry which hits so very close to home … stopping bullying (and its adverse impact on a child’s mental health and wellness) and amplifying positive childhood experiences for all children.

Again, I have been blessed to share my voice, my heart and my soul, to support children, to stop bullying, to address mental and emotional health challenges faced by so many children (especially during the pandemic), to work to prevent suicides, and to create tools and programs for parents, teachers, school systems, coaches, youth sports program, and communities.

I have had the opportunity to do so with books and speaking engagements and workshops and so much more, working with health systems, school systems, youth sports programs, and beyond.

In fact, two upcoming engagements include:

  1. In March 2023, I will be appearing on the incredible Coffee with Kim TV show to discuss this very topic and how together we can make a difference, and
  2. In May 2023, I will be presenting a workshop on “Stopping Bullying Together” with a keen focus on the LGBTQIA+ community as part of the OhioHealth Pride BRG Speaker Series.

Many believe bullying is wrong and bothersome and yet have little understanding of the enormity of its impact (short-medium-long term and eternal) on the mental and physical health of children, of families, and of communities.

For example, according to a study out of Yale: Victims of bullying are between 2 and 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, and specific to our LGBTQIA+ youth, those who experienced bullying are 3 times even more likely to attempt suicide.

Bullying and its impact on mental health and suicidal ideation is a significant issue that together we can and will address as long as we truly understand (heart and mind wisdom), truly care, and truly love.

So today, I would like to highlight our TBKID Youth Sports Programs (and specifically our TBKID Youth Basketball Camp) …

We began with an intention to teach the game of basketball while also teaching young children life-changing skills that will stop bullying and amplify positive childhood experiences (which the research shows counteract the adverse childhood experiences of our children.)

Our Themes: BUILD / INCLUDE / REFLECT

BUILD: This day is about teaching (and showing) the players how to build themselves and others up; and to help them to see that areas of opportunity can (and should) be looked at positively.

“Not only have we seen basketball skills improvement, we have seen an improvement in their ability to carry on a conversation with other people. This camp gave them the confidence to use their voice in a way that you can hear the confidence in how loud and clear they speak to others while carrying on a conversation.”

— Parent

INCLUDE: This day is about teaching (and showing) the players the importance & power of inclusion. It is about belonging and how together we can ensure all truly belong.

“We absolutely loved how inclusive the camp was. Bringing the kids together, of all skill levels, in a coed fashion allowed the kids to be able to work together and learn how to interact with a broader group of people.” — Parent

REFLECT: This day is about teaching (and showing) the players how critical it is to reflect. In order to become our best selves, it’s essential that we reflect not only to look back at how far we’ve come and the good within ourselves, but also to learn and to grow.

“He talked about being a good team player and saying positive things to others to help encourage. I hope to see more of this happen.”

— Parent

The TBKID Youth Basketball Camp has led to children seeing the good within themselves and the good with others (linked to stopping bullying), children finding their voices and the agency and sharing each (linked to finding their inner strength), and children reflecting on their own internal light and bringing this forth to continue to grow and help others (again linked to stopping bullying and amplifying positive childhood experiences).

And each aspect of this innovative and transformative program is designed to impact physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health of children, families, and communities.

Together we know we will transform this world and BUILD one another up, INCLUDE all so we all truly belong, REFLECT on all the goodness within ourselves, our teammates, our organizations, and our communities, and the opportunities we have to learn, to grow, to improve for the betterment physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually of ALL.

Can you tell us the backstory about what inspired you to originally feel passionate about this cause?

My day job for many years has been to lead and to coach CEOs, CFOs, COOs, and other leaders throughout the healthcare system, to ensure they understand the Both And. Yes, the system must be financially solvent to ensure longitudinal survival and access, AND it must be designed and led to ensure listening to understand, compassion, empathy, relationship, trust, and love for all (clinical and administrative staff and patients and families and communities) are as much a priority as new technology, pharmaceuticals, innovation, quality improvement, system design, and evidence-based medicine.

I am also blessed to coach doctors and nurses and individuals throughout the healthcare system to love and care for themselves, because truly loving and caring for oneself is essential to our mental health, to living a fulfilled life, and also because in doing so they are best positioned to love and care for their patients and families and communities — and thus keep themselves and their patients and families and communities safe and achieving optimal physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, outcomes.

All of this with a goal of system transformation — from a healthcare system to a healthCARING system.

For many years, I was also a coach of young men. A youth basketball coach … coaching children from the age of 8 to 18.

And in many ways, I found coaching youth sports was far more challenging (and rewarding) than coaching healthcare leaders.

Both critically important, however, and both impactful.

The challenges of helping children who are trying to understand and manage through (and many times literally survive so many areas that impact their mental health in so many profound ways) …

  • The divorce of their parents
  • Body image issues
  • The death of a parent
  • Drug use
  • Child abuse
  • And so many other Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES)

I actually got into coaching young men via a circuitous path.

You see our son Tommy was born with neurological challenges, and he was also a big kid. And as a big kid with these neurological challenges, he was bullied relentlessly, predominantly by adults.

Yes, by parents (“Go home Tommy! You can’t play with the other kids; you are too big!”) and eventually by youth coaches (“You are a detriment to the team. But I will not cut you. I want you to quit!”)

And it broke Tommy’s and it broke our hearts and impacted his mental and emotional health greatly.

At the time, my bride and I thought we were alone in this. Alone with the fact that adults were bullying a child. And we kept asking:

“What have we done?”

“What have we done wrong?”

“What do we do for our baby?”

“What do we do that will not make things worse for Tommy?”

And it wasn’t until some years later, when I began working for the National Institute for Children’s Health Quality (NICHQ) that I had additional access to experts, and I learned.

For example, I learned that:

  • 27% of children report being bullied by other parents.
  • 37% of children report being bullied by teachers.
  • 42% of children report being bullied by physical education teachers and coaches.

In addition to:

  • 20% of high school children report being bullied by peers.
  • And, according to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying.

And I learned the connection between bullying, mental health, suicidal ideation and suicide itself (NOTE: These statistics are pre-pandemic and early data is showing these outcomes are only worsening.):

  • Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC.
  • For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts.
  • That is 440,000 or almost half a million children attempting suicide per year.
  • Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
  • Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University.
  • And a study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying.

And I learned, and I keep learning more.

A couple of years ago, as my bride and I were sitting on our deck enjoying the wilds of Maine and drinking a strong cup of coffee, Tommy came out to join us …

“Mom. Dad,” he said. “I need to tell you something. When I was in fourth grade — [he is 26 now] — the pain was so great … The pain was so great, I put a belt around my neck. Mom. Dad. I didn’t want to live anymore.”

This discussion with our son occurred a year AFTER I published the first edition of The Big Kid and Basketball book.

The “stop bullying” messages within that first edition of the book had led, up to that point, to speaking opportunities and news stories and other engagements around the country and beyond about the dangers and impact of bullying.

And yet here I was, not even aware of the level of pain my son felt … the level of pain he felt from bullying … and the drastic measure he almost took.

There but for the Grace of God.

Our journey with our son, through the bullying, and his mental health challenges driven in large part from the bullying, i.e., depression, anxiety, OCD, and his suicidal ideation and suicide attempt has inspired and driven not only my passion for this ministry, but also that of our entire family and our community.

And it is this passion that has led us all to create and continue to innovate the TBKID Youth Sports Programs noted previously to help other children and families facing these similar challenges.

Join us on this journey and together let’s run toward the roar and help, support, and love all children.

Kay’s Poem:

After I had published the first edition of The Big Kid and Basketball book, and while I was traveling around the country speaking about the book and what we can do together to stop bullying and improve the mental and emotional health of all children, an amazing mother sent the following poem to me, written by her 11-year-old daughter at the time (who happens to have epilepsy and who also has faced and continues to face bullying daily) because in the mother’s words, “My daughter wants to ensure this never happens to any other child.”

And now, every time I am on stage, or virtually more recently, discussing how together with our heads on a swivel we can stop bullying and ensure positive childhood experiences, I always share the words of this poem with the audience, and each and every time this young girl’s message impacts and makes a difference in the life of another …

Oh-oh, we are all the same, you can’t blame me this is not a game.

Now listen to me, we are all human, this is just time-consumin’, boring as watching paint dry.

We don’t want to live this way.

Bullying is not okay.

They get us in the blind spot, it’s like a never-ending bad dream, it’s a day you will never forget, yeah-a-eah, in a blink of an eye, time goes past.

It’s a hot potato, it’s a huge issue, that keeps on going and going and never stops but gets worse.

It’s like a curse from Mr. Universe.

It’s everywhere, it’s in the air.

People think it is rare, it’s more common than you think, sadly people just ignore it.

Bullying is not okay.

We don’t want to live this way.

It feels like school is a death trap.

It’s just cruel, you’re left with a broken heart, bullying is like a creature of the school, it feels like a stabbing pain.

This needs to be stopped, we’re all human, we are all different in our own way, it’s kind of like a never-ending Monday.

Yeah, it’s like a curse from Mr. Universe

It’s a blinding light.

Thank you for sharing your heart, Kay. And thank you for the permission to share this message, Kay and Sarah. You are each impacting many; you are making a difference; you are saving lives.

And like Kay and Sarah, together with our heads on a swivel, we all can and we all will stop bullying.

Together we will overcome.

Many of us have ideas, dreams, and passions, but never manifest them. They don’t get up and just do it. But you did. Was there an “Aha Moment” that made you decide that you were actually going to step up and do it? What was that final trigger?

The trigger to expand and focus even more energy and passion and love and learned wisdom to help children and families truly was the discussion on our deck with our son. The discussion where we learned so very much of what we didn’t know. The discussion that humbled me. The discussion that brought me to my knees. The discussion that still brings tears when I reflect on it.

Yes, the trigger for me was when my son said, “The pain was so great [from being bullied], I put a belt around my neck. Mom. Dad. I didn’t want to live anymore.”

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began leading your company or organization?

Absolutely. This past Summer, in Gorham, Maine and with wonderful support from the Gorham Recreation department, we rolled out the inaugural TBKID Youth Basketball Camp and it was extraordinary.

The Build, Include, Reflect messages were embraced by all. Children played and learned on the court lessons. And they played and learned off the court lessons.

And I remember at the start of day three seeing a father of one of our players, a young girl that I will refer to as Sarah here, and walking over to him. I introduced myself and seeing that he had expected a “normal” basketball camp, I began to explain our mission, our purpose, and our themes (Build, Include, Reflect) and it was interesting, as I finished sharing the “include” message I saw this father’s eyes light up. He then said, “That is why. Now I understand.”

This father continued, “After day two of this camp, the “include” day, I heard Sarah talking with her girlfriend. Now Tom, Sarah is a very shy, a very quiet girl, but she was telling her friend that she (Sarah) had felt excluded the other day, that a couple of specific things her friend did really hurt Sarah, and then …” At this point, I could see tears well up in this dad’s eyes as he said, “Tom. Sarah found her voice. She shared her voice. And I am so grateful.”

The dad did share more about how the two girls talked everything through and cried and laughed and became closer that night … and this is one of the reasons we do what we do.

We seek to help children find their voice, their agency, their light, their strength. For when they do, they each heal mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

None of us can be successful without some help along the way. Did you have mentors or cheerleaders who helped you to succeed? Can you tell us a story about their influence?

So many. My greatest cheerleader (and coach and partner and collaborator and so much more) is my bride. My bride Darlene is the Dahlborg HealthCARING Leadership Group and TBKID Youth Sports Program, Chief Joy Officer.

As a nurse and a leader with over forty years of clinical and integrative experience, Darlene offers sage advice and counsel to leaders, teams and individuals who yearn to make more of an impact on the lives of others.

Her key focus areas include:

  • Embracing compassion, empathy and love.
  • Self-understanding and how to achieve inner peace for self and for others.
  • The importance of authenticity, trust, humility, and optimism and how to achieve.
  • Mindfulness, grounding, and presence.
  • Protecting one’s energy in order to achieve wholeness.
  • Mind body spirit health for self and others.
  • Natural healing.

And each day she loves me unconditionally, she helps me heal from my own traumas, she cheerleads and she coaches, she tells me truths with kindness, she supports me and makes me better, and I am so grateful.

Without Darlene, DHLG nor TBKID would be what they are and helping so many.

My son Tommy is another mentor, cheerleader and supporter. Without his courageous vulnerability TBKID would not exist.

My daughters, Samantha and Haylee each are huge contributors to all we do. And without them, for example, our forthcoming book series “The Light…” would not be what it is and what it will be.

And I would add here, each coach and each player and each family and community member who has been part of TBKID.

There were also great learnings over the many years I coached young men’s basketball.

Yes, hopefully by the young men I was blessed to lead, and yet even more so by me.

I came into coaching as perhaps many a father does … by simply wanting to support my son.

And the journey was one of great mountains climbed and many valleys crossed.

There was blood, there was most assuredly sweat, and there were many a tear. And yet today, I look back at amazing young men finding their paths, and I am ever so proud of each.

If you think coaching is just about X’s and O’s, you are either not fully engaged as a coach, or simply never had the opportunity to open your heart to the fullest.

Coaching allows you to impact a life in some of the most powerful and profound ways.

  • A young man dealing with body image issues.
  • A young man struggling as his parents’ divorce.
  • A young man rejected by the many teams he approached.
  • A young man neglected by his parents.
  • A young man experimenting with drugs.
  • Young men trying to prove themselves in a society that provides mixed messages as to what a young man should be.
  • A young man bullied by adults (other coaches, teachers, neighbors).
  • A young man learning about death and dying as his mother fights heroically her battle with cancer before succumbing to the disease.
  • Young men wanting to feel wanted, wanting to find their place, their community, their home.

The X’s and O’s were the easy part.

Leading, mentoring, parenting, coaching these young men through these challenges when at times they love you and other times they hate you … all the while you are loving them … now that is the Heart of Coaching.

Trying to live a life where you own your own frailty, your own mistakes, and each day, each game, still striving, still leading even when on occasion the face in the mirror wants to do something (anything) else because of the pain you yourself feel … now that is the Soul of Coaching.

  • New substitution patterns to better position the team to win.
  • Implementing new plays taking advantage of your team’s strengths.
  • Creating a new style defense to leverage what your players do best.
  • Modifying and then running skill development drills to ensure both learning and fun.
  • Simplifying and then implementing new offensive plays based on the best of the best in college and pro ball to keep the kids interested.
  • Teaching, supporting, cheering, coaching.

Again … the easy part.

Comforting two young men as their father passes away suddenly … now that is the Engagement of Coaching.

And each day realizing you are on an island … simply a parent trying to help … making many mistakes … learning and growing … and hopefully serving and helping others … that is the Love of Coaching.

Each yes, each of the players mentored me.

When I decided to step away from Coaching, I knew that one day I would come back to basketball … in one form or another.

And no, not as a player.

And eventually I did.

Not as a Coach this time. But rather as a team sponsor.

And to do so, I knew I needed to find a new Coach. A special Coach. A Coach who may be young and yet has the heart, mind, soul, and love of the game but even more so the love for helping others … and has done so all his life.

The first place I looked was to my son Tommy, The Lion. And yet, he was away at school at the time and coaching these young men requires time.

Then I knew exactly who my team needed.

We needed another young man with …

  • a track record of helping, supporting, caring about others.
  • integrity and compassion and love in his heart.
  • knowledge of the game and even more so knowledge of people.
  • maturity, dedication, perseverance.
  • and a Heart of a Tiger.

And that is who I recruited … and that is who our team got … our new Head Coach … Mark Ridgeway.

Mark is all the above and more … and the young men of DHLG learned, grew, were care for and cared about, learned the game of basketball, and learned the game of life.

Thank you, Mark, for having carried forth as Coach of DHLG and for mentoring me through the process.

Each day you inspired.

Each day you taught.

Each day you cared.

Each day you loved.

Each day you made this world a better place.

And now as the Founder of TBKID Youth Sports Programs with my family, I continue to be inspired by each of these amazing people and the incredible experiences.

And continue to be mentored by our expanded team of coaches and families and sponsors and mental health professionals, and so many others.

Yes, together we will stop bullying, we will amplify positive childhood experiences, and we will improve the mental health of all those children we encounter.

Together.

According to Mental Health America’s report, over 44 million Americans have a mental health condition. Yet there’s still a stigma about mental illness. Can you share a few reasons you think this is so?

Stigma often arises from a lack of understanding of mental illness of SUD and from belief systems and can be broken down into three areas: Public, Self, Institutional, with each leading to discrimination*:

  • Public discrimination: Losing one’s job, losing housing, worse healthcare.
  • Self-discrimination: Loss of hope. Lower self-esteem. Less personal agency.
  • Institutional discrimination: Intended and unintended loss of opportunity be it healthcare or military service or other.

* Source: Adapted from Corrigan, et al.

Specific to our work with stopping bullying, amplifying positive childhood experiences, and improving the mental health of all children:

There continues to be a stigma attached to being a victim of bullying. And this stigma leads to even greater harm as children (and others) don’t share what is happening to them and don’t seek help and far too often decide to take their own life (as my son almost did).

Believe it or not, even now if a child is being targeted by a bully it is often seen as it is the child’s fault because they aren’t strong enough to defend themselves or there is something “wrong” or “different” about them that made them a target.

Through TBKID we continue to work to change this through our love and through our evidence-based programs.

In your experience, what should a) individuals b) society, and c) the government do to better support people suffering from mental illness?

For this interview, I would really like to remain focused within this response to what we can do to stop bullying and address the mental health aspect of this challenge.

(But would be happy to connect specific to our collaborative care work, SUD work, veteran suicide prevention work, and more.)

And with this, I would also like to highlight that we need both good intention and evidence-based solutions. One or the other alone leads to harm. Together leads to betterment.

For example, many good intentioned solutions actually cause great harm:

Zero Tolerance Policies

Many schools and school districts and youth sports programs have implemented policies whereby a child that bullies is either suspended or expelled.

What the research shows is twofold …

  1. The threat of suspension or expulsion discourages children and adults from reporting bullying. Thus leading to more bullying.
  2. Punishments for minority students were shown to be more severe and repercussions harsher – an awful unintended consequence of this approach and another example of additional harm being done.

Conflict Resolution and Peer Mediation

These are common strategies schools used to address a variety of issues within the school … and thus good intentioned people believe that these could be helpful to address bullying problems.

Three points …

  1. Bullying is not a conflict; it is a form of victimization.
  2. This approach sends the wrong message to students – It is essentially saying, “you are both partly right and partly wrong,” or “we need to work out this conflict between you.”
  3. There is no evidence that conflict resolution or peer mediation stops bullying.

Group Treatment for Children who bully others

  1. Group members tend to serve as role models for each other, which
  2. Research highlights typically reinforces antisocial or bullying behavior and often creates a “peer group” for those who bully.

What the research shows that does work:

  1. Setting clear goals and communicating to all.
  2. Bullying prevention that’s integrated throughout a school’s curriculum.
  3. Developing a peer mentoring program.
  4. Integration of social emotional learning (SEL).
  5. Rights and responsibilities developed with student involvement (ex. Using the TBKID innovation on the healthcare Patient and Family Advisory Council (PFAC) the Player/Performer and Family Advisory Council (PFAC) is a means to achieve this goal).

What the research show works specific to the bullying challenges facing LGBTQIA+ youth:

  1. Establishing gender and sexuality alliances to create safe and supportive spaces.
  2. Sexual education including literature that focus on LGBTQIA+ issues.
  3. Training teachers and staff in LGBTQIA+ cultural competency such as sharing names and pronouns.
  4. Access to LGBTQIA+ youth-affirming health care.

In healthcare:

There are specific roles pediatricians and other clinicians can play to further support our LGBTQIA+ youth:

  1. Foster inclusive and affirming health care environments.
  2. Establish and safeguard confidentiality with LGBTQIA+ youth.
  3. Educate parents and youth about bullying.
  4. Identify youth experiencing LGBTQIA+ bullying (screening).
  5. Prevent the negative health consequences of bullying through evidence-based programs.

Along with healthcare practice transformation from current-state to a loving relationship centered care model:

  1. Loving relationships in healthcare include personhood of participants
  2. Affect and Emotion are important components
  3. Loving relationships occur in context of reciprocal influence
  4. Loving relationship in healthcare is morally valuable

And what can each of us do today:

  1. Role Model
    1. People are more likely to do based on what they see than based on what they hear.
    1. When we love all in words and in action … we teach our children to do the same.
  2. Create a safe space where we will truly listen to understand AND because we truly care
  3. Set Clear Expectations regarding our own and other’s behaviors and hold each accountable
  4. Keep our heads on a swivel
    1. Keeping one’s head on a swivel is also essential in all we do in life – taking care of self and others – loving self and others, and
    1. Positions us to LOOK OUT FOR ALL – for our child and ALL children – which positions each of us to help to stop bullying for ALL.

Please note, for people with questions relative to any of this information, I would love to be of assistance.

Together.

What are your 5 strategies you use to promote your own well-being and mental wellness? Can you please give a story or example for each?

I love this question because creates tangible actions we each can take. And please note, there are so many strategies, but we will stick with 5 for today.

  1. Practicing Gratitude

This one is especially vibrant for more having been part of the amazing Gratitude Symposium and Gratitude Group brought forth by Quint Studer during the pandemic to honor and cherish and love and appreciate our healthcare workers.

Additionally, each year around Thanksgiving I share a message of gratitude similar to the following:

Having gratitude can be a key component of improving your health.

Researchers have found that giving thanks is good for your health.

But that is (to use the technical term) too woo-woo…isn’t it? And something that touchy feely cannot be medicine.

Therefore, gratitude cannot be part of “real” healing.

Research shows that being grateful may not only “lower blood pressure, improve immune function, promote happiness and well-being, and spur acts of helpfulness, generosity, and cooperation. Additionally, gratitude reduces lifetime risk for depression, anxiety, and substance abuse disorders.”

But that can’t be right…can it? Isn’t it just…gratitude?

It is not a pill. It is not a physician’s surgical prowess. It is not an incredibly challenging exercise program or a new-fangled exercise device sold at 3:00 a.m. on cable TV.

In his research, Robert Emmons, PhD, found that people who counted their blessings each week had fewer health complaints, exercised more regularly and felt better about their lives.

That is just too simple. Isn’t it? Much like when Allen Iverson once famously said (during his days with the Philadelphia 76ers) “it’s just practice” … or in this case … “it’s just gratitude.”

It is touchy feely and that makes people uncomfortable. So how can that be “real” healing?

  • Showing gratitude does not generate any RVUs [aka relative value units used to measure physician production.]
  • Showing gratitude does not fill hospital beds.
  • Showing gratitude does not generate revenue for healthcare organizations.
  • Therefore, showing gratitude cannot be a component of fixing the broken health care “system”…

…or can it?

And yes, we have incorporated the practice of gratitude as part of the TBKID Youth Basketball Camp.

2. Inner child work

As adults, to a large extent, our well-being is informed by our childhood experiences (adverse or positive), e.g., being a victim of bullying. Understanding these experiences and then partnering where appropriate to work through these experiences, helps us heal mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

NOTE: We want to meet people where they are at, but not leave them stranded there.

And as we understand and move into loving right-action, some of the positive outcomes of inner child work include:

  • Understanding how past trauma in our lives may drive our present behavior.
  • Reconnecting with our true self.
  • Eliminating barriers to passions, dreams, and talents we may have put aside.
  • Feeling empowered.
  • Increased love for ourselves and for others.

… each leading to healing.

Through the TBKID Youth Sports Programs, we enhance the positive childhood experiences (PCES) of all the children who engage with our programs, and as the research shows us, equip these children with these PCES to combat the adverse childhood experiences (ACES) they have experienced in their young lives.

3. Spending time in Nature and Grounding

From Healthline:

Grounding Outdoors. When you’re outside, you can easily ground yourself by allowing the bottoms of your feet, palms of your hands, or entire body to touch the earth. Walk in the grass, lay in the sand, or swim in the sea. These are all easy ways to naturally reconnect.

“Grounding or earthing is a therapeutic technique that focuses on realigning your electrical energy by reconnecting to the earth. There’s little research behind grounding but smaller studies have reported benefits for inflammation, pain, mood, and more.

Grounding can be performed inside or outside, with or without grounding equipment. No matter how you choose to perform grounding, make sure that you’re always aware of your surroundings outside and use earthing equipment safely to reduce risks.”

My bride and I find times and ways to reconnect with nature and always experience benefit.

And through the TBKID Youth Basketball Camp we use the power of breath to help our players to further ground, reconnect with self, and send a message to their brain to relax, thus decreasing their stress responses and improving their mental and emotional health.

4. Engaging with a pup

Studies show that dogs reduce stress, anxiety and depression; ease loneliness; encourage exercise and improve your overall health.

And some years ago, I made note of the impact of pups in relation to big data in healthcare in a post I wrote for the National Institute for Children’s Health Quality (NICHQ) titled: “Patient Engagement, Partnerships and Puppies,” and if you attended the Studer Group/Huron Conference in Nashville in 2019, you may recall that Craig Deao made note of this piece in his keynote address.

I was recently invited to chair the World Congress Patient Engagement Summit in Boston.

The event promised to “leave behind theory and bring about actionable change with actionable solutions to engage patients and move the needle on clinical outcomes and community health.” And it lived up to this billing.

In addition to chairing the event, I also moderated the “Leverage Prevention Programs to Boost Wellness and the Bottom Line” panel discussion where Neal S. Sofian, MSPH, director of member engagement of Premera Blue Cross and Blue Shield, shared a powerful story that continues to resonate with me.

I believe this story will lend itself to true innovation in patient engagement and partnership and, ultimately, better health and healthcare outcomes.

Sofian’s presentation was engaging and colorful and his message was clear:

“We must think differently to truly engage and partner with patients.”

Think about current data collection and use innovations in healthcare provision. Currently, through claims and electronic health record data, we can learn that Mrs. Smith is a 55-year-old woman. She is moderately overweight, has diagnoses of pre-diabetes and mild depression and has not seen her primary care physician in 15 months.

How do we innovate and use this information? Via telemedicine. By turning data into action:

Mrs. Smith, this is Jennifer Morelle, Dr. Chapelle’s nurse. We’ve noticed that you have not been in to see Dr. Chapelle in quite some time, and Dr. Chapelle would very much like you to come in and have your glucose level checked. I would like to schedule a time to do so with you. When would be the best time for you to come in?

This is great. Physician practice captures data, mines data, leverages data and then reaches out to engage the patient in an effort to improve her health and healthcare.

And yet …

I believe we can do better.

For example: As a quality improvement organization, NICHQ constantly seeks opportunities to improve health and healthcare. In addition to using QI methods to achieve this aim, innovation is increasingly a trademark of NICHQ’s work. (See NICHQ’s COIIN (Collaborative Improvement and Innovation Network to Reduce Infant Mortality initiative) as a major example of leveraging innovation to improve outcomes).

And so, it was wonderful when Sofian continued:

“Now let’s picture capturing, mining and leveraging additional data points.”

As Sofian continued the story, we learned that:

Mrs. Smith lost her beloved golden retriever, Trixie, 10 months ago and she is still heartbroken. And now we can add this volunteered data point to the data mix and start to innovate.

Sofian then imagined this more innovative approach to telemedicine:

Mrs. Smith, this is Jennifer Morelle, Dr. Chapelle’s nurse. We here at Internal Medicine Associates have partnered with the local ASPCA on a new initiative to have 25 rescue puppies adopted in the next 30 days. Would you be interested in adopting one of the puppies? You would? Wonderful! We will provide you with coupons to the local pet store for three months of pet supplies and food, and we will fund four training sessions for your new puppy. Congratulations!

You might be asking, how does adopting puppies innovate patient engagement and partnership?

Well, studies have shown that pets can have a positive impact on people with mild to moderate depression.

Research has also shown that owning a dog can:

  • lower blood pressure, reduce stress hormones and boost levels of endorphins in the brain
  • lead to more exercise, better sleep and better fitness levels

And finally, the costs associated with managing the adverse impact of Mrs. Smith’s weight, mild depression and pre-diabetes, dwarf the relatively minor costs associated with helping her to adopt a puppy.

So, is adopting rescue puppies the answer to patient engagement and partnership and improving health and healthcare for everyone? No. (And yet beneficial to society in a great many ways.)

But when we develop care models that allow for providers to truly engage and partner with patients at each and every healthcare encounter within a framework of loving-relationship and trust, patients are positioned to share their whole story, and the providers are positioned to listen to understand and engage with more pertinent information. This leads to shared decision making, better engagement, compliance and outcomes, and fewer preventable errors.

All of us who work in the healthcare sector must reach beyond the familiar to develop new partnerships that expand our thinking and position us to innovate for the betterment of our patients.

And of course, ideally adopt a shelter pup and save two souls.

And as part of the TBKID Youth Basketball Camp, we engage our Emotional Support Dogs to further support the mental and emotional health of our players. In fact, Prince (our King Charles Cavalier), tends to be a favorite of our players.

5. Physical exercise

Especially as I get older, Qigong has been a godsend (my bride and I engage with Qigong 3+ times per week) and the literature supports the notion of its positive impact.

From NIH: “Qigong, pronounced “chi gong,” was developed in China thousands of years ago as part of traditional Chinese medicine. It involves using exercises to optimize energy within the body, mind, and spirit, with the goal of improving and maintaining health and well-being. Qigong has both psychological and physical components and involves the regulation of the mind, breath, and body’s movement and posture.”

From the research, Qigong has been shown to provide benefits in the following areas:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Stress
  • Lung Function
  • Movement
  • Balance and Fall Prevention
  • Reduce systolic and diastolic blood pressure
  • Cognition and Memory

And of course, through the TBKID Youth Sports Programs we actively promote and create opportunities for safe and healthy play for each player, each coach, and each family.

Now when we add Faith, Hope, and Love, with Love being the most important, we have created an amazing model for optimal physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being and health for All.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a mental health champion?

My son’s podcast Strength thru Vulnerability (which is currently on hiatus but archived episodes are still available) is all about sharing the difficult things on our hearts, allowing others to know that they’re not alone in whatever they’re going through and is a movement to show the world that when we are vulnerable, we allow others to truly see US. We allow each other to truly see how human and connected we all are.

My son inspired and inspires me.

He inspired the book The Big Kid and Basketball … and the Lessons he Taught his Father and Coach and the many tools and resources included within:

https://dahlborghlg.com/tbkid

As does my family, my bride Darlene, my daughters Samantha and Haylee, our new additions Tyler (Sammy’s husband) and Allie (Tommy’s bride), and our pups: Heinsohn aka Sonny, Ollie, Brady, and Prince, all who together bring forth the TBKID Youth Sports Programs: https://dahlborghlg.com/youth-sports

Emily Esposito, who is one of the TBKID Youth Basketball Camp coaches, inspires and her EM-POWERMENT program truly makes a difference:

We are building a universal playing field of mental support for anyone who is seeking to find or build their voice. We are a resource for your needs. EM-POWERMENT is a community to connect, engage, and support one another. We are not just our sports. We are our stories. And once we learn to tell our stories in our own words, we become more empowered.

https://www.emilyespositoempowerment.com/

Kay and her Mom and Kay’s Poem continues to inspire me.

I would also highly recommend these resources as well:

If you could tell other people one thing about why they should consider making a positive impact on our environment or society, like you, what would you tell them?

There is an old saying for authors, “write what you know.”

I agree AND I would add, but don’t think you must know it all. When we began TBKID, as you have seen, we had lots to learn. We still do. And yet today we can help. And today we will learn more so that tomorrow we can help more.

Don’t sacrifice leading, serving, loving, bettering, helping because you are afraid of not being good enough.

You are (we all are) good enough. And together we can make a difference in the lives of others, and especially in the lives of children.

Together we can and will learn and grow and love and help.

Together.

We are good enough.

You are good enough.

And you are loved.

How can our readers follow you online?

Website link: https://dahlborghlg.com/

Instagram link: @theDHLGroup and @theBigKidbook and @DHLGmatrix

Twitter link: https://twitter.com/tdahlborg

LinkedIn link: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thomasdahlborg/

Youtube link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwJl7EN4GsqkWDdnK9Ura1A

This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!

About the Interviewer: Inspired by the father of PR, Edward Bernays (who was also Sigmund Freud’s nephew), Michelle Tennant Nicholson researches marketing, mental injury, and what it takes for optimal human development. An award-winning writer and publicist, she’s seen PR transition from typewriters to Twitter. Michelle co-founded WasabiPublicity.com.

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